Failed Date at the DC National Zoo

Bahamas to DC. They are only a couple of hours away by plane, but the temperatures are seasons apart.

I came for a few days to fulfill my jury duty, which I was unluckily selected for the second time in the last 5 years. After much delay, I finally decided to get it over with - I ended up not being chosen anyway - around the time my sister and nephew came to visit from Korea. He's grown up so much!

Because we don't see each other often and he can now communicate in a few words, I decided to be a good aunt and avoid him repeating 'I hate you' in front of everyone. So I took him to the National Zoo for a fun day out! It's an awesome perk of being in DC with free entree to pandas, lions, and a petting zoo - what can possibly go wrong?

Mistake #1: I wore a fur looking jacket.

Mind you, Americans are notorious for being against fur. Fur protests are not rare and can often lead to violence for both for and anti fur parties. Personally I like the look, but being mindful I bought a very realistic fake fur jacket and wore it for the day. A very, very realistic looking fake at a zoo.

The stares and gasps were comparatively mild, points and whispers I didn't mind so much. If this were New York and not a pleasant day in DC, I would have gotten much worse. I did, however, crack an inappropriate joke while pointing at some endangered chinchilla and told my sister 'hey, there's a new jacket idea' with a horrified response from the nearby moms. Oops. Kidding, kidding!

Mistake #2: It was winter.

Most of the animals at the zoo like the warmth. Lions, elephants, monkeys are all from warm climates and they were all on holiday for the season. Most were indoors away from the crowd and outdoor viewing areas were empty. We were only able to see some tiny sleepy creatures in the cages. Pandas, the most overrated animal in conservation, was outside lazily munching on bamboos. Which is what they do every waking hour, with no other purpose or any sort of environmental impact in life. But I digress.

Cute monkeys.

In the wild they actively hunt for prey and warn the neighbors of any predators by shrieking in different tones.

Cute fennec fox, one of the only species that are fit to survive the harsh Sahara desert.

Meerkat, able to survive by living in groups with complex communication abilities.

And then, the pandas. They're only alive because we think they are cute.

This species went vegan and must eat all day because it's not enough calories for their carnivorous systems. 

They are too lazy for sex even when injected with Viagra. Useless.

Mistake #3: nephew didn't like animals.

LOL. I took him to the zoo thinking he would love those skittering, noise making, funny little (and big) creatures but every time I showed him a monkey in excitement he mimic-pointed at a rock and feigned enthusiasm. I kid you not, a piece of rock.

The 2 year old child didn't know or care about the difference between a monkey and a rock.

He just didn't want to make me feel bad for trying so hard.

So I ended up at the merry-go-around, determined to win his favor. It worked for about an hour until he fell asleep and decided he didn't like me again. Next time I'll just get him a cookie.

Only in my arms in promise for a ride.